I once mowed the yard at 2am, and after an “official” warning the cops & I took a selfie.

I wear shoes with holes in them just to see how long it will take anyone to notice.

I drive a Zamboni on the side.

I’m the original crazy cat lady, you got a problem with that?

I fell asleep in a military tank on a tour & woke up to find several “full body cavity search” MP’s staring at me. (Kids PLEASE don’t try this at home)

I cannot stand to have silence when eating because I hate hearing myself chew.

The colder outside the better